The Unbearable Lightness of Being Insignificant

Ever since I embarked on the WordPress journey in earnest, I had vowed to maintain a blog that exudes positivity and grace. I catered to what the Internet desired, namely, servings of impeccably crafted words garnished with glossy, curated photography. SoMuchToTellYou was thus underpinned by this very premise, a premise which I am about to turn on its head with what I intend to share. I’m not a deceitful person by nature (can never put on an act to save myself), and yet it would be terribly deceitful of me to say that I am impervious to the darker recesses of a runaway mind.

The truth is, my mind is constantly struggling with the unbearable lightness of insignificance. After all, isn’t every step in life a desire to be felt just a little more?

Remember when our pliable minds of youth were fed with many untruths, chief amongst them being that the world is our oyster, and that we ought to dream big and live bigger? Well, I was forever an easy target for such propaganda.

Armed with such grandiose and quixotic instincts, I blindly charged forth in life feeling I could change the world. There would have been a time, long ago, when I wanted nothing more than to exert my influence, make my mark and repay the society that played its part in raising and nurturing me.

Needless to say that I have achieved very little of my once lofty ambitions. I can’t change the world. I can barely bring about change in myself…

At the end of the day, this is the real reason for blogging. It provides a ready outlet for my garbled streams of consciousness, and has made me feel – if only momentarily – expressive and significant again. Who would have thought that the very soul whom has apparently renounced all conventional forms of social currency should thus crave for attention, for validation, and for meaning?

So here I am, back to my inner sanctuary. Writing. Although who will read, I do not know.

IMG_6938.JPG

Dear Reader, I will be MIA for several weeks as I roam distant lands in search of Meaning. I shall miss you all!

Jolene

30 Comments Add yours

  1. lwbut says:

    Hi Jolene, 🙂

    A remarkably astute ( in my personal experiences with people) self-perspective and realisation and one well penned.

    Of course we humans are insignificant, we are all just one of over 7,000,000,000 other people all of whom have the same inherent potential to achieve greatness or sink to the depth of despair (OK there are a few who have physical/mental abilities that make their limits less than yours and mine might be but not all such people are prevented from achieving far more than most people end up achieving!)

    Life and the universe always contain a balancing force (or perspective / way of looking at anything if you will) however and in this case it is that you are THE most important factor in your personal life/world – you are the MOST important thing you will ever experience this world with. Changing yourself, waking up to who and what you truly are, finding the Real You that lives in the body you inhabit is the reason you are here and is most important thing you can ever do. It is what will ultimately determine your own level of happiness, satisfaction and contentment with this one life we live (at a time 😉 ).

    Of course no-one ever said it would always be an easy thing to do – in fact more than a few wise people have told the truth… Life was not meant to be easy! 🙂

    Remember there is balance to everything, every situation, be it good or bad. Forgetting this fact is what I see as the main cause of human misery.

    a fellow Aussie,

    love.

    1. Jolene says:

      Hi, I really appreciate your feedback. This was written at a time when my mind was extremely scattered (parts of it still are) and I think I blabbered on. I agree that balance is important in life and hope to achieve that some day. Perhaps the dissatisfying moment dawns when we don’t know who we are and what we can do to achieve our potential. When we feel that all vestige of hope is lost. Perhaps the journey to self-discovery is a long and arduous one. In the meantime we can only march force and explore whatever life throws at us. Thanks again for your encouragement!

  2. Blue Settia says:

    Hi there
    I couldn’t help but keep reading. You worded everything so perfectly- and believe it or not there are other people out there just like you, for instance–myself.
    I have grown up hearing “the world is our oyster, and that we ought to dream big and live bigger?”
    And I want nothing more than to feel accomplished in this life.
    I hope you find what you are looking for.

    1. Jolene says:

      Thank you Blue Settia, I’m glad to hear that you could relate. It is a sad occurrence, that we’ve come to define self-worth by societal expectations and unattainably lofty ambitions imposed upon us. Why is the pursuit of Happiness no longer enough? What about contentment? Why is aspiring to be a happy, contented Plain Jane or Average Joe frowned upon.
      I’m sure you are accomplished in many ways that you do not see (like starting a blog!) Thanks for reading! 😊

      1. Blue Settia says:

        Good points. I admit, sometimes I feel “Depressed” or unworthy when I don’t get many likes on my facebook posts. Isn’t it sad that we rely so much on society to be comfortable with ourselves.
        Overall I am a happy person, but I find myself in a black hole every now and again when I don’t feel accepted.

      2. Jolene says:

        I can totally understand how you feel. We are not unworthy (and on the flip side, it doesn’t make us any more worthy to have gazillions of FB friends). Happiness comes from within, and it is something that I constantly need to remind myself lest I get lost in that same black hole… 🙂

  3. Michaela says:

    Take time and enjoy your MIA, Jolene! Every one needs it from time to time.

    1. Jolene says:

      Thanks Michaela for your encouragement. 🙂

  4. Ida Auclond says:

    We all need a breather from time to time, if only to make sure we’re still on the right course.

    I’ll wait for you to come back. Good luck finding your meaning! ^_^

  5. Len Kagami says:

    Well, I think a bit differently. Our existence already has a meaning since the beginning. Maybe you found yourself insignificant, you cannot change the world but you are a lot meaningful to your family, relatives and friends, and now your readers 🙂 Have fun at MIA!
    P.S: Is MIA acronym name for Miami? Sorry, I am not so good with name haha

    1. Jolene says:

      You are very rational Len. A part of me knows you are right. Perhaps I’m just a greedy old fool for wanting more 😜
      Sorry, MIA is missing in action. I’ve actually been in your favourite part of the world, checking out 🇯🇵 😁

      1. Len Kagami says:

        Oh, was you there to watch cheery blossoms? It must be awesome! There are some sakura trees here in Hamburg, not as much as in Japan though. But they was partly wiped out by an unusual winter 😦

      2. Jolene says:

        Missed the full bloom (as they only bloom for a week), but caught some snippets… Didn’t know there were sakuras in Germany, you ought to show us!

  6. Intriguing reflections on the procedure and the self, or perhaps how the procedure can help us see diverse and changing parts of ourselves…

  7. alawrenceg says:

    Business, but i want to learn about someone by hearing what they think about everything. To me that’s what blogs are supposed to be.

  8. alawrenceg says:

    To me, theses are the kinds of blogs I’m looking for, and want to write. Not the single purpose, easily marketable

    1. Jolene says:

      Thanks Lawrence 🙂

  9. Debbie Lynn says:

    An adventure that will give you ‘so much more to tell’. Can’t wait! 🙂

    1. Jolene says:

      Thanks Debbie, your optimism is infectious 🙂

  10. updownflight says:

    I feel the same way about my blogging at WordPress.

    I had lofty goals in my youth too. My mental illness seems to block me from those goals to a large degree. I know I won’t achieve some of my old dreams, but I have developed new and attainable ones now in my current situation.

    Milan Kundera is a wonderful writer. I assume you know him given the title of your post. I strive to be a little bit like Tomas.

    1. Jolene says:

      Thanks for visiting and thanks for sharing such a lovely comment! It is very encouraging to hear that you have developed new and attainable goals to enrich yourself. Perhaps this is what I ought to do…
      Yes, the title is a play on the Kundera novel (I love my classics), although I did struggle to identify with any of the female protagonists. They all seemed to be needy (yet denouncing this through pretensions of “lightness”!), and I refuse to be classified as such. Tomas is a highly complex figure – it would be difficult to master his identity I would have thought? Good luck with your goals and I hope to share the WP journey with you! 😊

      1. updownflight says:

        There was part of me that wished to identify with Tomas, even though he had his fair share of negative behaviors.

  11. Thomas Ward says:

    Interesting reflections on the process and the self, or maybe how the process can help us see different and changing aspects of ourselves.

    1. Jolene says:

      Absolutely, thanks Thomas. 🙂 The self is always evolving. There are times when I feel uplifted by the smallest things, only to be brought crashing down by a sudden wave of hopelessness. I guess I just wanted to be honest to myself for once, that all the glossy pictures belie a greater sense of disappointment in varied aspects of our lives.

  12. fkasara says:

    Jolene, I identify myself with the things you said, I really do. Good luck with your search of a higher meaning * hugs *

    1. Jolene says:

      Hey Sara, thanks for your support! Sometimes I ramble, most times I keep my tongue in check. I guess this is one of the former. 😂 Thanks for the well wishes – I almost always seem to feel more enlightened after an escape. Good luck to you too, hope you’ve found what you are looking for.

  13. I enjoy your writing and shall be reading. Blogging has a way of allowing us to make sense of those things going on inside of us. By writing it down and sharing it with the world, somehow it’s the first step to bringing about action. I hope you do make the changes you want to. Life is hard and there are always obstacles, but don’t stop believing. 🙂

    1. Jolene says:

      Thank you for your kindness and understanding. Writing seems to be the only thing that I could do sometimes (or is within my sphere of influence). All the best with your blog too! 😊

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s